Whether you are just starting the application process or you just started school here is my letter to you.
Dear Spouse,
Dear Spouse,
PSA: Life will suck and be amazing all at the same time. The process of going to medical school while not actually going to medical school is intense. You will know little tidbits of information that's been shared with you over the 10-minute dinner you had together. Your significant other does not recognize how much you do. And you do not recognize how much your significant other does. But you both realize how much you both do, its a fact that will come up and it's true. Life will go a little something like this. They wake up at the butt crack of dawn to study, in our house it's 0500, you wake up like a normal human being at 0630, at this point, they are in the shower and you are getting ready doing your own thing. At 0700 you are eating breakfast together, this takes approximately 15 minutes where we quickly discuss the plans for the day before you are both headed out the door your separate ways. Mat always heats up the car for me in the winter and scrapes the ice off so I get another 5 minutes inside before heading out. We leave and wave each other goodbye and blow kisses to each other at 0720. I drive to work and he walks the dog (while listening to Sketchy or Lecturio) before heading into class at 0800. You will share little texts back and forth all day and when your phone dies they'll hop on the computer to let you know via email. Before you know it it's 1700 and you're headed home. They will still be in a lecture and won't head home until around 1800. I'll have walked Jaxon and picked up food for dinner and will have it there by the time he gets home ~1900, we will eat together while watching a quick show or at the table for 10 minutes. I will pick up dishes from dinner and he will head upstairs to study. I watch tv, do laundry, and shower. It's 2210 and he's wrapping up his studying for the day. We walk the dog around the block and check in with each other. We go to bed and talk about our day, what happened and whats going to come tomorrow. Its 2300 and we are going to sleep to wake up and hit it again tomorrow.
This is us, our story and our daily routine. We have our disagreements and maybe 20 minutes later we are over it and have made up. Mostly the fights are higher when the stress is higher. I've enacted a rule for myself. I take a step back take two deep breaths and tell myself, he is just stressed out and that's whats stressing me out. Will this disagreement matter ten years from now? Most of the time no it won't matter so why am I upset or wasting my time worrying about it. Its helped me to think through things and remember that it's always situational and that most of the time it will work out anyways.
The part of life that sucks is that there will be days where you feel alone, even though they are literally sitting in the room next to you studying. To combat this in my life, we have a dog, who I walk daily after work, (unless it is too cold, I really hate the cold). I say alone in that you just want your person to be there with you, sharing with them the little things throughout the day. I also write it keeps me occupied while he's occupied. Not claiming I'm a writer, I just enjoy putting my thoughts down on figurative paper.
We're in the thick of it. We're both busy and both loving our lives, it seems so separated but seeing how happy being in school and learning about medicine makes him, is the absolute best. I could do nothing the rest of my life that I enjoy if it meant he could do what he is meant to do.
Mat will be the best doctor there is because of his hard work and love for the profession. It's not just a job to him, this is his life. With me by his side, and him by mine, we will thrive and be happy no matter what comes our way. There will be days of course but together at the end of the day, we'll go to bed content. He is my world, my best friend, and my intelligent man. I love my life with him, even on the days where we are both stressed.
Remember the days of applying and being so stressed about being accepted, because those are the days when you knew why you were doing it. Remember the first day and how excited and nervous you were for them. Remember the day they got a perfect on one of their exams and you were so beyond proud of them. Remember the moments where they thanked you for everything you do for them day in and day out. Remember these days, because ten years from now you'll look back on them and remember the bad and how awful it was but you'll laugh and say dang we did that, we got through that, together.
Take pictures of everything, even the little things like date nights together and gush over how amazing they are, it means more to them than you know.
So to you; my medical student spouse, hang in there. You can do it. Take deep breaths and remember why you chose to marry this person. They are hanging in there too, remember that. The world will try to slow your roll and tell you it won't work, but hard work will always prevail and loyalty will be your biggest ally. Love your spouse, praise them, and never question why they are doing this. Pick up hobbies you enjoy and get used to spending time alone. This life is different but this life is great. Learn to love the goods and the bads, you'll go through them either way.
And above all else, remember this is just life, you don't have to be the picture-perfect spouse: the spouse you are is good enough.
All the best,
Sarah
